My Life with C-PTSD

I discovered my mom is a narcissist by researching information about toxic parenting. At this point, I was well aware there was something very different about her, though I didn't know there's a term for it. I was already familiar with what a narcissist was, but never considered her to be one, mostly because of her furtive tendencies to keep her special brand of crazy under wraps and out of public eye. When I learned that not all narcs are so boisterous about their delusions of grandeur, it all started to make more sense.  So my mother is what's called a covert narcissist. Instead of the attention seeking mannerisms of a overt narcissist, coverts tend to exhibit a quiet smugness or sense of superiority over others. They can judge others without needing to say a word but will rip you to shreds mentally in order to support the notion they're better than you. Coverts may stay quiet enough while your talking to give the impression they're listening but they've ...

Before my diagnosis of complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), I had only heard of PTSD. I knew it to be common among combat veterans or victims of violent crime, but had never considered it could apply to me and my early life experience. C-PTSD is specific to those who've suffered through prolonged or repeated abuse.  The symptoms of C-PTSD and PTSD are similar and can include hypervigilance, difficulty sleeping or concentrating, disassociation, trouble regulating emotions, flashbacks, and negative self perception, to name a few.  When my therapist first brought up C-PTSD I was skeptical. After all, I never felt as though I had it nearly as bad as some. I mean I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, never went hungry and was told occasionally I was loved. It seemed like a stretch to assume I had a brain injury as a result of my childhood.  However, my feelings told me a different story.  It was a story of deep pain and sorrow. One t...

Hi, I'm Jess and I'm the adult daughter of a narcissistic mother. For most of my life, I had the feeling something was off with my mom but would shrug it off as her being high maintenance or just plain difficult at times. Almost two years ago the pieces of the puzzle fell together and I came to realize she is a narcissist. Of course I cannot officially diagnose her with any condition but the more I learned about narcissistic personality disorder, the more I was able to grasp who she really is.  It has devastated me to discover this, mostly because I understand now that my mother never has or never will be able to love me. I grieve for the mother I thought I had, as well as for the mother I'll never have. I can't begin to describe the soul crushing feeling that comes with knowing you matter not to the woman who is supposed to love you unconditionally, but I survived my childhood and I will survive this newfound awareness.  I find writing very therapeutic and often...